Mental Ecosystems (Dark)

I visualize, every thought that comes into my mind
And it gets,
Pretty nasty sometimes

I allow lies, to plant themselves in fields
And soon they'll yield
Wolves to hunt me down at night and 
Fill the silence

Maybe i'm simply a fool
Or maybe I want the noise and violence


My mind, is, a brutal place
And i'm just trying to survive
Wolves are howling in the kitchen 
And I'm scrambling for a knife

They're coming. They're coming, they're all coming after me
Now everything, everything, everything, everything, everything in here bleeds
Everything in here bleeds


Skeletons dance in the attic, just to prove they never left
Everybody here is screaming and I wish my brain was deaf
Please shut up…

Chaos is my roommate and he smokes two packs a day
Hatred lives downstairs and he's having a 


Now I'm running into the woods, cause no one like it there
Then i'll gouge out both my eyes to lose this fearful stare
And i'll run headlong into every tree cause I don't know where I go
But i'll keep moving cause
Running out my ears is the only rest I know 

(spoken) "man my feet hurt"


The famous philosopher Nietzsche once said “God is dead.” The statement has reverberated across the years as a mantra for atheism and rebellion against the idea of a creator. Of course, as Christians, we would reject this idea outright. Of course God isn’t dead, right?

But sometimes it feels like he is. Sometimes we feel alone. Sometimes we can’t find him. Sometimes we lose faith. Sometimes we lose hope. In these times many of us feel like we can barely consider ourselves Christians. If our trust and hope in God wavers, how can we even claim the Christian label.

Personally, I have never felt so faithless. In a time where all the Lord’s promises have never felt so real, I cannot find him anywhere. More than that, until just recently I haven’t wanted to. I haven’t desired him.

I stopped going to church, couldn’t read the bible, couldn’t pray barely at all, couldn’t worship, became apathetic in almost everything, and lost trust in God altogether.

The VAST majority of Christians I know would simply chalk this up to backsliding. I sinned, I walked away, God let me go. But I think it’s more than that. I can see this same phenomena in the lives of a lot of my Christian brothers and sisters. I see passion and a heart for the Lord and true life in them, and then out of nowhere the life is snuffed out, and all they thought they knew about the God they love goes dark. There wasn’t some blatant sin, just a sudden loss of faith and hope.

I believe God teaches both through abundance and destitution. I mean, He left his son temporarily for the good of the world, so why shouldn’t he pull back occasionally for our good? We can get very caught up in relying on the presence and manifest grace of God without trusting fully in God himself. But God isn’t interested in Christians who LOOK like they know what they’re doing. He’s interested in the faithful in thick AND thin. He wants hardy warriors for his name. He will commune again with every child he pulls away from, but his pulling away is a harsh form of refinement to bring them into an even closer harmony with him afterward.

Hebrews 11:1-6 “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”


Things NOT seen.


God doesn’t call us to always know all about him, to know what he’s doing, to feel connected to him, or even to be always learning and producing.

He calls us only, and simply, to follow him.


Stand fast,


The indefinable Emotion





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