Burn me Alive

Burn me alive
I wanna sing with passion
I wanna live in joy
Burn me alive
With life incorruptible
To build not destroy
Burn me alive
I wanna dance in your flames

Verse 1

Your eyes of fire
they touch my soul
I weep aloud
come take control
Your piercing stare
my great content
My soul is torn
my flesh is rent
This heat intense
your jealousy strong
Your blessed fire
consumes my song

verse 2

My flame is dying
I'ts glory fades
and all I want
is to see your face
My heart is crying
my face is tears
I cannot see
I cannot hear
My legs have cracked
I have no will
Hope turns to ash
I sit in filth
He drags my corpse
oer to the light
To lie in flame
and catch on fire
verse 3

I wanna love like you do
I wanna hate like you do
I wanna laugh like you do
I wanna weep like you do
I want your passion God
So fill me with fire
and let me burn! burn! burn! burn!
Purify me!
 Excerpt from Thousand foot Krutch's
 "My own Enemy"
I'm still my worst enemy
The world around me
All can see what they want to see
I need some help
Because I'm still my worst enemy
No matter where I am
I'll still get the best of me
I'm my own enemy

The first year of school has ended and summer has began. Everything has changed, and yet,  everything is exactly as it was.

The battle is the same, but the pieces have shifted.

My friends are all gone for the summer and my family is states away. I’m not going to visit anyone for a long time if at all, and I am stuck on campus with nothing but time.  The choices may be less for how to spend these precious hours, but the choice still remains. I have work and money to figure out, relationships to worry about, and personal growth to achieve, but even if all of that was taken care of what would it matter? I am alone, and alone with the one truth that has led me thus far, there is only one relationship worth worrying about, one with Jesus Christ.

God has all of my problems solved before I know about them, so why worry?

But this has never been my problem. I can trust God ok when I need him. But right now I don’t have any physical unmet needs. I don’t have school to worry me, God has provided enough money to get through the summer. But I have lust problems. I struggle with fear. I battle unforgiveness. I can be mean spirited. I am selfish. These are far more pressing issues than the physical problems I could worry about. I need these to bother me, break me, pain me. As I saw with shame, I didn’t know what kind of bondage I was under until it was broken. There are deeper levels of contentment and LIFE to be found in Christ. If we would put him first at the forefront of our minds, we would find it and take hold of it.

But instead,  I watch another youtube video. I numb myself to forget I am alive. I dull my senses to forget I am alone, and not grasping those things which I most desire. If i spent an hour a day playing guitar, by the end of the summer I would have improved my skills tenfold.  Nope. This iphone game is too engaging. If I spent an hour a day in prayer and the study of scripture, my relationship with God would flourish and many aspects of my life would heal. Or…..I could slide a dvd into my computer tray……

We are a people without discipline, without dedication, without wisdom. Even the most spiritual of our kind flit their time away needlessly daily. At least in older times they had the excuses of a poor education, no resources, bad quality of life. But we are the most educated people who have ever lived, have incredible resource at our fingertips, and have a previously unimaginable quality of life. With any amount of discipline, we could learn any skill, excell in any field, prosper in any desired amount. If we spent the hours we waste on tv, and video games, and movies, and porn,  and like mindlessness on something constructive, we would wallow in success. But we don’t. We are content with mediocre lives and an unfeeling existence.

Now as Christians, imagine if we took all that time and used it in the service of God? Why do we forget the authority and power of the old prophets? Why do we downplay the ability and reach of the apostles? Jesus said we would do greater things than him. But here in America, we are worse than Ananias and Saphira, and if the Christians today had lived back then, I guarantee they would have been cast off or likewise struck down.

When will we get it in our heads that IT’S NOT ABOUT US? We praise God for his blessings and act like we deserve them. Like if we say our prayers and stay out of major sins we are owed his protection! Wicked and perverse generation that we are! We have rejected the basic tenants of our faith in an the most sickening grasp for greediness possible! Since when did following Christ mean sitting at home on Netflix? Since when did following Christ mean a nice house, a comfortable life, and no outside interaction? Christianity is no aristocracy for it’s members to build wealth in! We are meant to give EVERYTHING in service to Christ. To be daily in subjection to his will, preaching the truth to all we meet and glorifying God with all of our speech and action.

We traded truth for technology and Christ for comfort.

There are only two options I can foresee for our future. One: Our godlessness whelms to such proportions that our nation collapses and we all wake the heck up. Or two: a generation wakes up one day with hatred in its eyes and spits in the face of the spirit of the world currently dominating our people.  Youth who have no bias toward new technology and no logical reason to discard such pleasure, but vomit it up like the deadliest poison. Because in reality it is, and it has come far too close to the heart of the church for comfort.

I can’t say I have discarded this sin in my own life. I am a slave like most of our country. But I will hack at these chains this whole summer if I have to. I’ve known this plague for what it is since grade school, and I only pray that I can finally throw it away in disgust. Cause I don’t know about you, but I wanna feel again. Burn again. Every time I turn another video on it sucks away a little more of my passion. Every time I fall into lust I watch my humanity crumble. Every time I play a violent game I feel my sensitivity blur. All I want is to become a man, and all the things I choose are stripping away all the things that would make that out of me.

I could write for hours on this, since I have fought this struggle for more years than I can remember. Or I could go pray. Honestly that’s what we all need now. We need God, and we need each other’s prayers.

1 Peter 4:7 The end of all things is at hand, therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s